


Sounds like one epic battle, they're going to make a movie about you for sure

by GreenBryn



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack, Incest, M/M, Slash, Wincest - Freeform, badfic, challenge: badfic idol, episodic: spn s5e02 good god yall, wincon 2009
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-10-10
Updated: 2009-10-10
Packaged: 2018-09-14 17:52:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9196775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreenBryn/pseuds/GreenBryn
Summary: When I first submitted this, there were no notes, warnings, or disclaimers, as I was trying to be an epic badfic. But since I'm posting this to the 'net, I'm adding a few standard notes. This was my first Badfic Idol submission ever, and it won first place in Badfic Idol at Denver Wincon '09. \o/





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> When I first submitted this, there were no notes, warnings, or disclaimers, as I was trying to be an epic badfic. But since I'm posting this to the 'net, I'm adding a few standard notes. This was my first Badfic Idol submission ever, and it won first place in Badfic Idol at Denver Wincon '09. \o/

**Title:** Sounds like one epic battle, they're going to make a movie about you for sure

 **Author:** [](http://brynspikess.livejournal.com/profile)[**brynspikess**](http://brynspikess.livejournal.com/)

 **Author's Notes:** When I first submitted this, there were no notes, warnings, or disclaimers, as I was trying to be an epic badfic. But since I'm posting this to the 'net, I'm adding a few standard notes. This was my first Badfic Idol submission ever, and it won first place in Badfic Idol at Denver Wincon '09. \o/

 **Pairings:** Sam/Dean, Castiel/Michael

 **Rating:** R

 **Disclaimer** : Don't own the show or anything, obviously. And, after writing this, I'm not so sure I still own a brain either.

 **Warnings:** Non-betaed, misspellings, all mistakes are made on purpose. Surprise!leopard/tentacle porn. Blatent lack of fact-checking/mistakes with canon. Did I mention BADFIC?

 **Thanks:** This fic would never have come about without massive amounts of help from my friends. Huge thanks to [](http://sophie-448.livejournal.com/profile)[**sophie_448**](http://sophie-448.livejournal.com/) for bringing up the idea of writing badfic and for always being willing to help me with writing this, [](http://velithya.livejournal.com/profile)[**velithya**](http://velithya.livejournal.com/) for letting me read bits to her and make her choke over breakfast, [](http://dea-liberty.livejournal.com/profile)[**dea_liberty**](http://dea-liberty.livejournal.com/) for being the most awesome Thai Shapeshifting Hooker _ever_ , as well as [](http://clex-monkie89.livejournal.com/profile)[**clex_monkie89**](http://clex-monkie89.livejournal.com/) , [](http://gigglingkat.livejournal.com/profile)[**gigglingkat**](http://gigglingkat.livejournal.com/) , [](http://waterofthemoon.livejournal.com/profile)[**waterofthemoon**](http://waterofthemoon.livejournal.com/) , and [](http://celtic-cookie.livejournal.com/profile)[**celtic_cookie**](http://celtic-cookie.livejournal.com/) for being fricking awesome. I love you guys!!!

~*~

"I can't believe we're even talking about this," Dean muttered, forcefully thrusting each of his belongings into his well-worn duffel bag. It was the day after they had killed yet another evil son of a bitch and saved a few more quasi-innocent people, you know, the family business, and all he wanted was to celebrate a job well done with some legal intoxicants and maybe a hot, sweaty encounter with a willing woman (or man, if one happened to catch his fancy). What he had _not_ wanted to do was get into an argument with the most stubborn dumbass on the planet who happened to also be related to him.

"I can't believe you're in _support_ of this, Dean!" Anger and disbelief warred in the younger brother's voice, a vocal rendering of the torture currently taking place to the shadowy scarred soul within. His liquid chocolate eyes pleaded with Dean to take back his opinion, to fix their argument, but for once the decades of programming that had been hardwired into Dean's psyche to always take care of his baby brother and protect him went slightly faulty, and Dean was forced to stand by his previous words, unable to protect his darling Sammy from this cruel, harsh reality.

"I can't believe you're so _against_ the idea," the more world-weary brother retorted. After all of the horrible things he had seen in the world that his lesser-experienced brother could be offended by, this seemed like such a minor issue. Children were starving on the other side of the world, unspeakable horrors were commited in both small and large towns alike across the United States of America, and yet the shaggy-haired one still refused to accept his big brother's wisdom.

SUDDENLY, with only the faintest sound of fluttering wings, Castiel appeared. "Dean," the rogue-yet-still-god-loving angel looked pensive. "I need a moment." Happy for the intermission to the argument, Dean could have kissed the man-cum-angel. Lip-locking, however, was not what the blue-eyed heavenly being was in search for. At least, not THIS time. "Your jacket. I need it."

"What?" the whisky-voiced rugged hunter stated in confusion. The warrior of the Lord was currently wearing his usual trenchcoat and tie, and the tortured-but-not-as-emo brother knew without really thinking about it that he did NOT want to see the epic fashon disaster that the messenger of God would look like with a leather jacket on over his trenchcoat.

"I need your jacket," the holy supernatural creature stated again. His striking blue eyes were intense and focused on the mortal that he watched out for with a blinding intensity. The man who had broken the first seal had to blink and look away, his sparkling emerald eyes watering, his single tear only adding to their sparkle.

"What do you need my jacket for? Is the search for God a little chilly?" snarked the man who had been raised from perdition.

The one who had raised him from perdition did not respond to the taunt. Rather, he kept a face so straight it would make a ruler gree with jealousy. "The leather that it is made out of is actually from the hide of a powerful fifth-circle demon. It has healing properties that are essencial in my quest for my Father who art not in Heaven."

The current wearer of the leather jacket stared at his guardian angel, slack-jawed. "First of all, eww. Second, what are you talking about? I've been wearing this jacket for as long as I can remember, and I've never seen it exhibit any special powers."

The partially-fallen Angel who in no way resembled a fat infant in a diaper did not bat his baby-blues. "It only works for Angels. Please give it to me."

The Vessel of Michael sighed and shrugged off his jacket and handed it over to the creature he affectionatly had nicknamed "Cas". "Fine, here you go."

Cas, short for Castiel, short for _Warrior Angel for Fucking GOD, y'all!_ VANISHED with his requested item. Meanwhile, the brother who could not remember dying for over a hundred Tuesdays in a row ran a hand through his short, prickly hair and picked back up the discussion that had been dropped with the heavenly interruption. "I don't see what gerbil crawled up your ass and died. I mean, it's not like it's hurting anyone."

The college-educated Winchester stared at his brother. He couldn't be more shocked if his short blonde bro had said, _Sometimes I like to wear pink satiny panties_. "It's not _hurting_ anyone? Dean!"

A roll of the eyes was his only response. "I'm just saying, different strokes for different folks. It'd be hot, and you arguing against it is kind of hypocritical. I mean, look at your track record."

Frustration and annoyance made broad shoulders tense, and for a moment the more height-challenged man in the room wondered if he had pushed too far. "My track record is NOT in question!" said the gigantic fruit of his mother's loins.

"Of course not," consoled the no-longer wearer of the God-Detecting Amulet. "You'd have to have a track-record first."

The fated Boy-King of Hell glared, and opened his mouth to say something, or, you know, maybe admit that Jess has been a beard all along, but he was interrupted.

FROM OUT OF NOWHERE, there was a slight displacement of air, as if someone nearby had passed gas. Dean scrunched up his nose, but luckily there was no scent on the breeze other than the strawberry shampoo Castiel had taken to washing his vessel's hair with.

"Dean, I need your shirt," was said in a low growl, and John Winchester's first-born male child surpressed a shiver.

"What the Fuck?" exclaimed the rock-music-lovin' hunter.

"It is made of a special cotton that will render the wearer invisible, which I will need to sneak through the Ravine of Echoing Mirrors. Please give it to me."

"Let me guess. It only works for angels."

"Yes."

The elder brother who had once had four short years of "normal" before losing everything but his Dad and Sammy in the house fire, reluctantly shed his shirt and handed it over. The warrior angel in the midst of his cruisade to find his lost father vanished with the shirt.

"So, do you have any real, debatable issues with this," the pretty one said, "Or are you just pulling a bitchface because you won't admit your argument is stupid?"

Puppy was not happy, "It's not stupid, Dean! It's morally wrong, ethically wrong, and, oh, yeah, Gross! Not to mention, people could die!"

"Meh." disputed the older man. "Stop getting your panties in a twist. You know, if it existed, you'd totally be signing up to hit that. Just think of the possibilities!"

The psychic one grimaced, as if he was having one of his visions, but rather it was just the thoughts his kin put into his head. "I'd rather not."

WITHOUT ANY WARNING WHATSOEVER, except for the faint tinkle of bells - another angel getting their wings - Uriel's killer appeared and uttered, "Dean, I need your jeans."

Silence reigned for a few heartbeats. "You're fucking shitting me."

The stoic heavenly-sent messenger merely tilted his head. "I am not _shitting_ you. They are one of only a handful of lost relics that are the only known weakness of the Horde of Fangirls, a vicious and horrible army that is holding God prisoner in order to ransom for more slash in the Winchester Gospel. Please give your jeans to me."

For the first time in his life, the cocky, devil-may-care brother's hands hesitated over his crotch.

"Bitch, don't MAKE me guilt-trip you again. Do you have any idea of the things I've given up for you?"

With an exasperated sigh, the Michael Sword Made Human stripped off his jeans, "Fine, dude, but if you come back for my boots, I swear to God that I will kick your ass." Surprisingly, the threat lost some of it's threateningness coming from the boxer and boot-clad warrior. The hottest angel in the motherfucking world took the jeans from the hottest human on the motherfucking earth, and vanished.

"And anyways," Dean continued the current argument yet again, "Shapshifting hookers would be _hot_ , man. I'd take that hunt any day."

Sam, however, did not respond. He was, in fact, staring at Dean's chest, right at the point where the God EMF amulet used to hang. Dean's nipples tightened self-consiously, and the vunerable glistening of Dean's bare chest is too much for Sam to bear. Before, the Amulet had always been there for him to focus on even when other crucial garments were missing, but for the first time since these feelings awoken within Sam's soul, he is seeing Dean completely and utterly open and his yearning can no longer be denied.

"Dean."

"Sammy," the older man said huskily, his pupils diallating.

With all of the force of decades of unresolved sexual tension, the brothers flew at each other. Licking, kicking, biting, hitting, each one trying to gain the upper edge. Sam wonder why it took them so long to do this, and that thought caused him to again remember how much Dean had given up for his happiness. Sam yeilded and Dean rolled him onto his back, and straddled his little brother's hips.

" _Dean_ ," groaned Sam, fisting his hands in Dean's boxers and running his tongue along Dean's sexy, lickable clavicle.

" _Sammy_ ," Dean moaned back, pulling off Sam's clothing and makin' with the ass fucking.

Really, what else was there left to say?

~*~

Meanwhile, in the artic snow of Denver, Colorado, Castiel braved the freezing whiteness to trudge his way to the center of a large haunted park. He was decked out in Dean's clothes and looked rather like an obsessive fanboy geek. "Em, ot emoc, evol ym, Leahcim. Uoy rof gnitiaw, ereh si Sac."

The wind picked up and the snow rose, a reverse mockery of it's falling, and a brilliant white light began glowing in front of Castiel. It was hard to see it, since the whiteness of the snow wasn't really the best background in order to see a white orb. Still, Castiel smiled in pure joy, every human emotion that had been rubbing off onto him were in glorious agreement. The white glo pulsed, growing until it formed a seven-foot tall figure, with six long tentical arms - Michael's True Form.

Castiel released Jimmy's form with an orgasmic groan of release, and took his own True Form - which, when you kinda squinted (and were one of the special people who could witness True Forms without you eyes burning out of your skull) looked kind like a huge green glowing lepard.

Michael gurgled a welcoming endearment, and stretched his tentacles wide. Castiel didn't hesitate. He lept at his lover, a rumbling purr deep in his glowing throat, and began kneading his gigantic paws into Michael's throax. Michael wrapped his tentacles around his lover, one tracing down Castiel's spine before intertwining with Castiel's long, thick tail. Another tentical traced around Castiel's love pucker before slowly pressing into the glistening folds.

The rest of Michael and Castiel's reunion was so hot it melted all the snow in Colorado. Really.

~ End

Pics from Badfic Idol:

  
  



	2. Comments from Livejournal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm taking down my fanfiction from Livejournal, and I wanted to keep some of the comments that have been left on my work there.

[ **locknkey**](http://locknkey.livejournal.com/) 2009-10-11 06:46 am (local)

The badness is epic and full of lulz. I couldn't stop laughing. :)

[ **brynspikess**](http://brynspikess.livejournal.com/) 2009-10-13 12:41 am (local)

 Woot! \o/ Thank you!

* * *

[ ](http://zubeneschamali.livejournal.com/profile) [ **zubeneschamali**](http://zubeneschamali.livejournal.com/) 2009-10-11 08:37 am (local)

 

This is made of win! Great badfic, each euphemism funnier than the last. Dean slowly being stripped was hilarious.  


  
_the Horde of Fangirls, a vicious and horrible army that is holding God prisoner in order to ransom for more slash in the Winchester Gospel_  
  
You know, that would explain a lot...

 

[ **brynspikess**](http://brynspikess.livejournal.com/) 2009-10-13 12:40 am (local)

 Hee, thank you! <333 I worked really, really hard on it, as you can tell ^_~

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[ **prncssflutterby**](http://prncssflutterby.livejournal.com/) 2009-10-11 06:07 pm (local)

o.O

[ **gigglingkat**](http://gigglingkat.livejournal.com/) 2009-10-12 08:52 pm (local)

You should have heard it READ ALOUD.

 

[ **prncssflutterby**](http://prncssflutterby.livejournal.com/) 2009-10-12 09:39 pm (local)

 I'm sure I should have Kat. Nobody called me to read it to me and unfortunatly I've be here watching out for crazy people!

  
So I hear you all had fun? Bryn text me the other day and said as much. I'd love to hear more about the weekend though!  
  
Gotta go finish making tacos and mexican rice for dinner! Later hun!

 

[ **brynspikess**](http://brynspikess.livejournal.com/) 2009-10-13 12:35 am (local)

Speaking of... is it uploaded yet? *is hopeful*

 

[ **gigglingkat**](http://gigglingkat.livejournal.com/) 2009-10-13 07:42 am (local)

 I have it on the computer but have promised not to have WinCon show up on LJ or YouTube so I have to mail it or send to the chat link.

  
But the vid is 4 GIG and even compressed is 900MB so there are some technical difficulties. But yes, I'll get it to you, but you cannot share. Kassie will END US.

 

[ ](http://brynspikess.livejournal.com/profile) [ **brynspikess**](http://brynspikess.livejournal.com/) 2009-10-13 12:40 pm (local)

 *nodnod* Understood. No sharing, I swear.

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[ **waterofthemoon**](http://waterofthemoon.livejournal.com/) 2009-10-12 08:52 pm (local)

 THAT IS THE BEST FIC I HAVE EVER READ. THE END.

 

[ **brynspikess**](http://brynspikess.livejournal.com/) 2009-10-13 12:39 am (local)

 Hee! Thank you so much!

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[ **cherie_morte**](http://cherie-morte.livejournal.com/) 2011-03-28 03:06 am (local)

 The euphemisms here were glorious, Bryn, but me thinks this takes every cake ever forever: _said the gigantic fruit of his mother's loins._


End file.
